For most of my life, I felt like I was lied to in terms of what made me appear to be a confident woman. I never felt like I exuded confidence because I’ve rarely been the best dressed, I don’t like wearing a ton of makeup, and I feel like spending hours fussing with my hair is a waste of time.

Not to say anything negative about those things, because I understand the correlation between looking good and feeling good. However, I struggled with the concept of having to spend two hours getting ready every morning while my husband spent 15 minutes getting ready just to be under the impression people would take me seriously.

It wasn’t until I became self-employed that I started to recognize what actually commanded authority.

I can’t tell you how many times I accidentally ended up on a Zoom meeting with my hair in a messy bun and a hoodie while an entire audience poured in for a meeting I thought was in an hour. The downfall of working remote and in numerous time zones, I guess. However, having this happen several times taught me a major lesson in confidence as I quickly learned people’s perception of me often has nothing to do with what I look like. And if it does, I have the confidence to not be bothered by it.

1. They Ask for What They Want

Confident women are direct and assertive. There’s no guessing game. If they want something, they ask for it. For me, if I don’t ask, the answer is always no. But I’ve found that most people are reasonable and willing to negotiate in one way or another. If someone has something I want or can do something for me, I’m not going to beat around the bush—I’ll find a way to make the deal happen. This isn’t just about people; it applies to the things I want to accomplish in my life as well. I go for it.

2. They Don’t People-Please

Confident women don’t bend to please others at the expense of their own boundaries or values. It’s not that they are inconsiderate; it’s that they know when to say no and when to prioritize themselves. People-pleasing can lead to burnout and resentment. A confident woman understands her worth and doesn’t need external validation to feel good about herself. She’s content with her decisions, even if they aren’t popular or widely accepted.

3. They Don’t Use Fake Body Language

Confidence comes from authenticity. A confident woman doesn’t rely on exaggerated body language, fake smiles, excessive nodding or or over-the-top eye contact. Instead, she presents herself in a way that feels natural. If she’s engaged, it shows in her posture and eye contact. If she’s not interested, she doesn’t fake enthusiasm. This realness is often more magnetic than any forced charm or performance. 

4. They Are Okay with Silence

Confident women aren’t intimidated by silence, whether it’s during a conversation or when they’re alone with their thoughts. They don’t feel the need to fill every gap with nervous chatter, blurting out every thought that pops into their head. Instead, they’re comfortable waiting, giving space for the other person to speak. This skill is especially valuable in sales or negotiations—because, let’s be real, the person who speaks the least often holds the power in the conversation.

5. They Are Willing to Say They Don’t Know

It takes a lot of confidence to admit when you don’t know something. Rather than pretending to have all the answers, confident women are open about their gaps in knowledge. They’re eager to learn and grow, and they’re not afraid of saying, “I don’t know.” In fact, admitting what they don’t know is often what leads them to learning something new. 

6. They Aren’t Afraid of Failure

Confident women are willing to explore new things without a fear of failure. They know that failure is part of growth, and instead of avoiding challenges, they go for them regardless of if it’s a sure out-come or not. Whether it’s trying a new hobby, taking on a leadership role, or speaking their mind, they understand that mistakes and setbacks are inevitable—and that’s okay. What matters is how they recover and what they learn from the experience.

7. They Speak Even When Not Spoken To

A confident woman doesn’t wait for permission to speak or share her ideas. She knows that her voice matters and isn’t afraid to use it, even in situations where she wasn’t directly invited to contribute. Whether it’s in a meeting, a social setting, or during an important decision-making process, she’s not afraid to step up and make her thoughts known.

8. They Aren’t Afraid of Conflict

Conflict is a natural part of life, and confident women understand this. They don’t shy away from difficult conversations or tense situations. Instead, they approach conflict with a calm and solution-oriented mindset. They’re willing to have tough discussions, set boundaries, and stand up for themselves and others. Rather than viewing conflict as a threat, they see it as an opportunity for growth and understanding.

9. They Have an Abundance Mindset

Confident women don’t operate from a place of scarcity. They believe there’s more than enough success, love, and opportunity to go around. Instead of feeling threatened by the achievements of others, they celebrate them.  They don’t cling to opportunities or relationships out of fear of loss—they trust that even better things are always on the horizon.

10. They Set Expectations

Confident women are clear about their expectations, both for themselves and others. They don’t leave things to chance or expect people to read their minds. Whether it’s in a personal relationship or a professional setting, they communicate their boundaries, goals, and desires clearly. This clarity helps avoid misunderstandings and ensures that everyone is on the same page.

My Personal Experience With Confidence 

When I began expressing these traits, I noticed an immediate shift in how people responded. Conversations became more engaging, I earned more respect, and opportunities seemed to appear out of nowhere. People were drawn to me, not just because of what I was saying, but because of how I carried myself. It became clear that confidence is not about appearances, but the energy you project. Once I embraced that, doors opened, connections deepened, and the “yes’s” started to follow naturally. Confidence, in its truest form, attracts the right attention and paves the way for success.

If you want to learn ways to improve your confidence check out my article on How To Improve Your Confidence.